B (neonsuburbia) wrote,

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shopping is not creating

oh ive got rage. ive just learned to ignore it.
ive got pain too. it's just become numb.

like frostbite.

my nose is red not from the cold - from trying hard not to let my eyes leak. ive cried so much that i

hate crying.
the only friend i've got is my cat (i don't talk to her or anything crazy-like)
she licks me cause she loves me. she's the only one who does.

i used to practice sleeping all the way on one side of the bed so someday another body would fit next to me.

i've given up on that.
i've given up on everything.
i used to have massive,
remarkable aspirations. but they dont click with my reality anymore.

i used to see beauty everywhere. now all i see is the world.

i used to be an idealist. i guess i've grown up.

maybe i should stop the medication.

maybe pain is better than numb.
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